Asunder
by Ruby-Wednesday
Summary: People always cry at weddings.With her future in tatters and her relationship with Edward strained, Bella can't seem to stop. E/B. AH. A FGB fic.
1. Chapter 1

_Asunder - People always cry at her future in tatters and her relationship with Edward strained, Bella can't seem to stop. E/B. AH_

_For ol2bob and chierian9el who generously donated to FGB, gave me a challenging prompt and were kind and patient about it taking so long._

_There's going to be six chapters to this, so expect daily updates for the next few days.  
_

_Un-beta'd so please forgive any mistakes. Also, there's a few mentions of colleges, applications etc in this story. They're probably not accurate so let's just let that slide. Thanks!_

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"_**She was afraid of these things that made her suddenly wonder who she was, and what she was going to be in the world, and why she was standing at that minute, seeing a light, or listening, or staring up into the sky: alone." - The Member of the Wedding by Carson McCullers**_

I drove to Olympia with a bucket of fried chicken on the passenger seat, the country and western station on the radio and mascara tears streaked all down my face. Attending Edward's brother's wedding was basically the last thing in the world I wanted to do (hibernating under my Snuggie being the first thing I wanted to do) and I was already worried about how I would get through the weekend. I told myself that seeing Edward's face and feeling his arms around me would make all the difference and I would suddenly feel better about not being accepted into the grad school programme that was just perfect for me.

I hadn't told him yet. I hadn't told anyone about receiving the rejection email. I wished it had been a letter. I could have casually left it around until someone read it and been saved from saying the words. Or I could have torn it up in one of those pointless yet cathartic fits of rage. All I had was a stupid, taunting email and I couldn't very well go smashing up a phone or a computer. Sending it to the trash bin wasn't exactly satisfying.

The road to Edward's parents house was long and flanked by perfectly manicured lawns. The first time I came here, I felt like I was stepping onto a movie set. Several years and many visits later, I was still a little awed by the obvious affluence all around. I parked my noisy truck in front of the house, wiped my hands and face with a dried up pack of Wet Ones and sent a text to Edward to let him know I was outside.

I wasn't always so shy around here but I wanted to break the bad news to him alone. I imagined he'd take one look at me and know I was upset and tell me that it didn't matter if we weren't so near each other after college, we'd still make the relationship work.

There was a knock on my window and to my extreme disappointment, it wasn't Edward but some stranger in an orange vest. I struggled to wind down the window and this guy's face got stonier by the second.

"You can't park here," he said.

"Excuse me?"

"Catering staff need to leave their cars out back, behind the barn."

"I'm not here to work," I explained, cheeks burning. "I'm a guest."

"My mistake," the man said. At least he had the decency to look sheepish. My phone rang and he scuttled away.

"Edward!" I answered, a little breathless.

"What's taking you so long?" He sounded irritated.

"I'm outside. Will you come out to me?"

"You're _here? _ Come in, then."

"I kind of wanted to see you on your own for a minute first."

"I'm helping Em with something. Just come in. We're in the kitchen." He disconnected before I could say anything else so I had no choice but to gather up my stuff and struggle into the house by myself.

No matter how many times I entered the Cullen's marble foyer, the opulence still stunned me a little bit. I shuffled over flooring worth more than my college education, the dusty ends of my frayed jeans trailing behind me.

The kitchen was a flurry of activity. Esme was on the phone, furiously flipping through a clipboard. There were catering staff in the corner, polishing glasses. Emmett and Edward were by the island, putting together some sort of picture frame. I stood by the archway, a little awkward that no-one had seen me yet and not knowing how to catch their attention.

I cleared my throat and Edward finally looked up. His hurried over to me and my heart lifted just a little.

"Hey," he said, in that casual way of his, and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. He lingered, smelling my hair and I leaned into him. "You kind of smell like grease."

It stung; the flippancy of his remark and I pulled away .

"You know how musty the truck can get," I mumbled, bringing my hair to my nose to confirm what he said. He wasn't wrong but that's what happens when you work in a low budget restaurant (and drive for hours with only a bucket of chicken for company.) I wanted to snap at him for wounding my ego like that but Esme and Emmett came over to greet me and Edward drifted back to whatever he was working on.

"How are you, Bella? You don't look too well?" Esme asked, full of her typical motherly concern.

"Just tired from the drive," I lied, internally pleading for Edward to ask me. How could he not notice what a wreck I was?

"It's a shame you couldn't come down with Edward. I always find it much easier to be a passenger."

"My manager wouldn't let me off until today," I explained. In fact, I had to beg and plead and work double shifts all week for him to let me off at all.

"We're just glad you're here now. It's such a wonderful time for the family. With Emmett's wedding and Edward's acceptance into Columbia, we've been on cloud nine all week. Did you hear back from NYU, yet?"

Everyone looked at me expectantly and I shook my head. "Not yet."

"Any day now, dear." Esme patted my hand and I willed the ground to open and swallow me whole.

"Where should I leave my bags?" I asked, desperate to change the topic.

"You're in Edward's room this time, dear. I know we usually don't have you two sharing but we're at maximum occupancy so we'll make an exception. Tanya's here, you see, and we've had to put her in your usual guest room room and Carlisle's aunt has come over from London and she can't manage stairs too well. But we're trusting you two to respect-"

"Mom." Edward interjected, firmly, despite the circles of pink on his cheeks. "I think you're wanted out by the marquee."

Esme floated off, perfectly ironed pleats swishing around her legs, and Edward took my bags to show me upstairs.

His room had been the scene of many the late night rendezvous. I knew the way.

The navy duvet and baseball pendants that were so _him _never failed to bring a smile to my lips. He closed the door behind him and I stood on my tiptoes for a kiss. He returned it in that careful way of his, lips gentle against mine.

"Hey," I whispered, inclining my head to the side. I wanted to get a good look at him, something that was ordinarily guaranteed to cheer me up.

"Hey,yourself," He replied, taking my hands in his.

"Glad to see my grease-smell didn't put you off."

His face dropped. "I didn't mean anything by that."

"I know, but did you have to say it? It's hardly a nice greeting to give your girlfriend."

"C'mon, Bella. You're not the kind of girl who cares about that kind of thing. "

"I'm the kind of girl who wants to be told she smells like a deep fat fryer?"

"I'm sorry," he said, letting go of my hands. "I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's a good thing you're so easy to forgive." I said, pressing my body against his and pulling his face next to mine of another kiss.

Since I wasn't ready or able to deal with my problems, I decided the next best thing was to forget them. If I couldn't have Edward's re-assurance, I wanted his closeness and the security I felt in his arms.

I did everything we always did. I held him close, one hand at his neck and the other tangled in his hair. His lips were as soft as ever and the familiar scent of the aftershave i had gotten him for Christmas floated all around me. He kissed me back, just the right pressure, but his body was still. I was the one who couldn't get comfortable; I wanted my body to fit better to his. When my breathing quickened and my mouth went to his neck, Edward gently pulled away.

"I think this is the kind of thing my mom doesn't want us to do in here."

"Kissing?" I raised my eyebrows. Esme was old-fashioned, not a total prude. " She'll never know."

I took a step closer. He took one back.

"I know you, Bella Swan. And you just gave me the kind of kiss that wouldn't stay kissing for long." He was right. I was looking for a little bit of comfort and with a boyfriend as irresistible as Edward, it was hardly unreasonable to think I would want to be with him. "Besides, we don't have long before the rehearsal dinner and Emmett still needs help with his collage. You should probably start getting ready; it's a pretty fancy restaurant."

"Are you insinuating that I look rough?" I asked, half-joking to hide the pain of being rebuffed.

"Oh, Bella," he said from the doorway. "You always look lovely to me."

All I heard was his lack of denial.

A glance in the mirror confirmed it, though. I looked a mess. My ponytail was matted, my face was smeared with worn-off make-up, my clothes were wrinkled and Mount Vesuvius was about to erupt on my chin. It wasn't any wonder Edward didn't want to be with me like that, I thought, staring mournfully at my reflection.

I peeled off my clothes and stepped into his fancy shower. The hot water eased my tension and washed away the dirt of the day and I wondered if I'd ever find the right time to tell Edward about my rejection. I couldn't do it now; it would put a total dampener on the whole wedding. His family were so proud of him. Edward would be going to the school his father had dreamed of, the school he had pushed Edward towards and put aside his hard-earned money his whole life to pay for.

Everyone was so excited for his future; this new chapter of his life about to start under the bright lights of New York City. I was meant to be there too, at his side in a crummy apartment and drinking wine on our days off. But the road was suddenly closed for me and my life was going to be as it always was – working hard for no reward and struggling just to get by.

How would I ever find the words that would send all our plans tumbling down? I felt like if I didn't tell Edward, he might not even notice I was being left behind and that was most frightening thing of all.

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**Thank you for reading! Next chapter will be up roughly the same time tomorrow.**

**For anyone who may be interested, I posted a one-shot yesterday - An AU fic called Days of Lead. I'd love for you to check it out.**


	2. Chapter 2

I only cried a little in the shower. The steamy water eased my aches and washed away the grime and some of my worry. All I had to do was get through these next few days with the Cullens. I could do that, right? And once I was back home, I could tell Edward about my rejection and come up with a Plan B.

It would be fine, I promised myself. It had to be.

Getting ready was a pain. My skin was still tight and my eyes were still puffy. My freshly-washed (and hopefully odour-free) hair would not behave itself and let me pin it up, so I had to let it hang loose around my shoulders. But there wasn't enough time to dwell on my appearance, not with Edward tapping his watch and hurrying me along into the car to leave.

They had already ran through the church ceremony earlier today so the evening was just about socialising and catching up and celebrating Emmett and Rose's impending nuptials. It seemed a little wasteful to me, but who was I to argue with tradition?

Edward was right about the restaurant. It was fancy.

The people, too, looked like they were at some swanky cocktail party and not a rehearsal dinner. My dress had seemed pretty when I picked it out, now looked shabby in comparison. My Payless shoes screamed poor in this sea of red soles.

This was the kind of thing you had to grin and bear, so grin I did until my cheeks hurt. I made small talk with neighbours and relatives and other people who meant nothing much to me. I sipped my champagne (only the best for Rosalie Hale) and told her how amazing she looked, how wonderful the room looked, how happy the atmosphere was.

Basically, everything was perfect but me.

What little time I could spend with people I actually knew and liked was fraught with sorrow. They were all so excited about Edward's acceptance to med school and I had to smile and nod and hide my pain as my future slipped further from my grasp.

He did his best to look humble, embarrassed even, but I knew him well enough to see how pride tinged his replies. Edward wasn't looking for success himself, I knew that, but making his family happy was so important to him that the praise he received had to be making him feel good.

When some distant uncle raised a toast to Edward's future, I downed my glass in one while everyone else took modest sips.

My head spun a little and my smiles came easier when I stole Edward away for a moment alone.

"I like your tie," I told him, running my fingers along the silk and pulling it loose from his suit jacket.

"Rose made me wear it." He ducked his head and fixed the tie into place.

"The colour brings out your eyes."

"Thanks"

I waited for him to say something nice about me. With my friend Alice's help, I had trawled the local thrift and vintage stores for hours before I found this dress. When I tried it on I had felt like an artist's muse, full of mystique and retro glamour.

Here, I felt like the poor relation.

Edward was too busy thumbing through cue cards (Rose had forbidden him to use his phone to read notes, it was tacky) to even look at me, and I felt a pang of sympathy for him. As best man, he was required to make several speeches and he was more of the stay in the background type.

"You'll do great," I said, squeezing his arm for support and he finally looked up from his cards and into my eyes.

"I hate this," he admitted. "I'm the little brother, how can I know what to say?"

"Don't be nervous. Just be yourself," I urged. "No-one could dislike you."

"You have to say that, you're my girlfriend." His expression lightened though, and that was all I wanted.

"Have a drink. Just to calm your nerves." I go to pass him my glass and find it empty.

"Can't," he replies, regretfully. "Rosalie doesn't want any of the wedding party drunk for the official stuff. "

"Bridezilla strikes again."

"Don' t be like that, Bella. You know how hard she had it growing up...with her parents and her brothers the way they are. It's understandable that she gets anxious around alcohol."

Chastened, I tried to make light of the conversation. "Well, just picture everyone in their underwear."

"Gross." Edward's nose wrinkled. So adorable. "I'm related to at least half of them."

"Just me then."

"That will have the opposite effect."

I laughed and the sound that came out had sharp edges. Edward noticed, I could tell by the set of his lips, but the dinner bell rang and there was no time for questions. I wished him luck and set off to find my name on ten-ply card in the middle of the room while he took his place at the table with biggest candelabra.

First to arrive at my table, I took my seat and prayed the other guests would arrive soon. I folded my napkin on my lap and tried not to stare too much at Edward's seat with the wedding party –bride, groom, best man, maid of honour, pageboy and flower girl were all together. Rose had felt very strongly about keeping the tables small so people could converse better. The nerves Edward showed me seemed to have vanished without a trace. He looked at ease , with his family around him and sparkling water in his hand.

Tanya, the chief bridesmaid, slipped past his chair and rested her hand on his shoulder and jealousy swelled inside me. I grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter, fuming as she said something to make Edward laugh.

She was just a few years older than me but light years more successful. She did her undergrad in just three years and finished top of her class. She already had a senior role at a recruitment company in the city and was thinking of starting her own firm. Not to mention she had the kind of good looks most Hollywood starlets paid big money to try achieve.

I'd formally met Tanya only once, at Rosalie's bridal luncheon the previous month, and she seemed perfectly nice but I was still petty enough to twitch inside at the easy friendship she shared with Edward. They went way back. They played softball and truth or dare before he even knew me. He took her to her senior prom when he was just a freshman and took his role as godfather to her little boy very seriously.

She fussed over little Nikolai, who at age eight wasn't quite so little any more. He squirmed away from her when she tried to adjust his shirt and all I could think of how flawless she looked. Whatever happened to harassed mothers looking bedraggled in public? Tanya looked happy and beautiful; the kind of girl Edward would fit right in with.

I was about to be consumed with insecurity when the rest of the dinner guests finally arrived at my table. At least their presence eased some of the exposure I was feeling.

Introductions were made and on the surface, it seemed like a nice enough crowd. Tanya's younger sisters, Kate and Irina, sat on the opposite side, all gleaming smiles and scandalous dresses. Rose's cousin Vera joined them, along with some girls from her office in varying interpretations of the LBD.

"I'm Bella," I said, finding it easier to make introductions than I normally would.

"I'm Jess," replied the curly-haired one, offering her hand. She had the most intricate nail art I had ever seen. "And this is Bess. And that's Tess."

"Seriously? Those are your names?" I blurted out, while Kate and Irina giggled behind their hands.

Jess, Bess and Tess's face went to stone and they turned away from me, clearly offended by remark. They discussed the menu amongst themselves. Kate tried to engage me in conversation. We had got on well at the bridal shower. But the distance and the elaborate centrepieces and my own self-pity made maintaining it difficult, so I resigned myself to an awkward meal at the single girls table.

That's what it was. A fluorescent sign proclaiming 'no-one wanted to put a ring on it' would be less obvious.

It wasn't going to be a fun, carefree girls get together either. I was the only one not to refuse the wine. They all sipped water and one (Bess, perhaps) nursed a single cosmopolitan for at least TWO HOURS.

I amused myself by observing the room and the perfect Cullens at the top table, winking at Edward whenever I could catch his eye. At one point, pointed at his glass and mouthed something that I couldn't make out. So I just raised mine at him, a little private distant toast, but he didn't return my smile.

The food was all pretension and tiny portions and Irina looked affronted when I pointed this out to the table. I proceeded to tell them, in mouth-watering detail, about my fried chicken from earlier on but they only gave me tight smiles and went back to looking at their plates.

"Have some more bread." Kate pushed the basket back in my direction and I took some of the crusty white bread, unable to stop the crumbs flying everywhere when I broke it.

"Have you made plans for after college, Bella," she asked. I knew her words were genuine, but they still rubbed me up the wrong way. "Tanya said you're hoping to move to New York with Edward. I know some people there since I did my internship with Condé Nast. I'd be glad to introduce you to some people."

"Thank you," I said trying to appear grateful. "I'm still waiting to hear back from the courses I applied to but I'll definitely keep that in mind."I'd been spouting that line to people for months, but now that there was no longer any truth in it, it caught in my throat. Literally. I broke into great hacking coughs and grabbed the nearest available glass to soothe my throat. The rich, red wine went down too easily and before I knew it, the glass was empty again.

"NYU has some great grad programmes. I have a friend who did the writing programme there and she loved it. "

"The one who gave Dakota Fanning change for the vending machine?" interrupted Irina, and at the mention of a celebrity Jess, Bess and Tess's heads all shot up.

"That is so cool," they squealed and the conversation was lost on celebrity encounters and the one time Jess saw Mark Paul Gosselar leaving a dry cleaners. I was left to ponder my choices for the future and wonder when it all got so complicated. In high school, the only goal was college. Getting there. Picking the right one. How to avoid the freshman fifteen. No-one told me that those four years wouldn't be enough and a bachelors degree actually couldn't guarantee that dream job and people would always be looking to define you by the things you hadn't done yet.

And in a room like this, the things I hadn't done yet would always be inferior to everyone else's .

I slumped in my linen covered chair, with my head drooped to disguise the angry tears threatening to ruin my Maybelline mascara for the second time that day. With my shoulders hunched in despair, the straps of my dress kept slipping and I simply couldn't be bothered to adjust them again.

Picking at the remnants of my vegetables (they'd barely been shown any heat, hard and crunchy just the way rich people liked them)I considered slipping away. No-one would look for me. No-one would care. I could hide in the bathroom and try compose myself until this sorry affair was over. I considered catching a cab back to the Cullen's house but wasn't sure if I had enough cash to cover the fare.

I was trying to straighten myself up, fumble for my stupid satin clutch and find the wherewithal to walk in a straight line out of the dining room when clinking rang throughout the room indicating the speeches were about to begin. Like clockwork, the gloved wait staff had taken away our dinner plates and replaced with them a wobbly white panna cotta that made my stomach churn and the ridiculous pre-wedding formalities began.

I rested my chin in my hand throughout the speeches. What could they possibly have to say now that couldn't wait until tomorrow? Carlisle made jokes that only the country club members could laugh at while Esme gazed adoringly at him. The way she was looking at him; you'd swear he was speaking at a presidential inauguration instead of a suburban restaurant.

"Michelle would never, Esme," I muttered, flicking crumbs off the table with my index finger and earning a withering look from Cousin Vera.

Emmett presented Rosalie with a collage of their time together, which admittedly was a teeny bit sweet. Inside, I scoffed because I knew it was far to garish for Rosalie to display it in their pristine apartment.

Actually, I may have scoffed outside too because one of the gals from the typing pool shushed me with great gusto.

Rose gave gifts to her girlfriends. A white gold dove on a delicate chain that brought tears to their eyes and made mine roll repeatedly.

Then, it was Edward's turn to speak and I made myself sit up in my chair and take notice. He looked so adorably nervous, shuffling through his cue cards and straightening his tie that I had to woop and clap for encouragement. Some twitters of shaky laughter broke out in the room. God, they were so damn uptight.

He spoke quickly, keeping his head down too much but Edward was still charming and sincere. The love and respect he had for Edward shone through every word he spoke. He told a cute story about their childhood (I'd heard it a million times before) and a slightly risqué one from the bachelor party (that one, I hadn't heard) and commended Rose on putting up with so much from his brother.

The room started to spin, or maybe it was my head, and I had to grip the table for balance. As Edward finished up, talking about how Rose and Emmett made each other better people and how their openness was something we should all aspire to, my stomach turned and heaved and threatened to empty itself of its contents.

Knowing I had to get to a toilet, I stood up clattering my chair and clamping my mouth shut. It was no use.

As Edward's words trailed off and every well-coiffed head turned to stare at me, I puked onto the shiny floor.

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**Ah, public vomiting. Sorry about that. Sorry about any mistakes I missed, too.  
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**Thanks again for reading, guys! I really appreciate it and it's great to see so many new and familiar names taking an interest. Next chapter, same time tomorrow. **


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up face down on a pillow with an overpowering smell of fabric softener and men's deodorant. My mouth tasted like old vomit and sickly-sweet champagne and my head throbbed in time with my racing pulse. All I wanted was a big glass of cold water and the energy to open my eyes.

But when memories of the previous day came flooding back, I wanted to crawl under the nearest rock and live like a hermit crab for the rest of my time on earth.

My failed application. How isolated from Edward I felt. How miserable I was at the rehearsal dinner. And of course, the drinking.

Followed by the puking.

How was I going to show my face ever again?

After the, uh, incident last night everything was a blur. I vaguely remembered being helped out of the dining room and into a cab. Flashes of tearfully wailing along to the Adele song playing on the cab radio, complete with a shoe for a microphone and emphatic arm-dancing, were mercifully brief and after that everything was blank.

I felt around for my phone and purse and thankfully found them present and accounted for. I didn't remember getting changed but I was wearing an old t-shirt of Edward's and my dress was hung off the back of a chair. There was a bottle of water by the bed and I gulped it down. The hydration made me feel more like a human being again and I stumbled to the bathroom. A glance in the mirror showed my face in a fairly reasonable condition. There was only the faintest trace of last night's make-up. He must have made sure I washed my face before I went to sleep.

It was clear to me that Edward had looked after me and that meant more to me than I could have imagined.

As much as I wanted to crawl into bed and never leave, I knew it was going to be a busy day and I had to make myself presentable. I threw back some aspirin and forced myself into the shower, hoping to wash away some of the alcohol stench and shame of the night before. It was a tough. The steam made me light-headed and I had to sit on the side of bath a couple of times to keep my balance.

Still, I felt clean and fresh when I was done and I pulled Edward's old terrycloth robe around me until it was time to get dressed.

As I emerged from the bathroom, Edward came into the room. For someone who hadn't imbibed the night before, he looked pretty terrible. His hair was all over the place and there were dark circles under his eyes. They made me so sad.

He halted when he saw me, his expression stony and I felt about three inches tall.

"I didn't think you'd be up yet," he said, his tone flat and cold.

"Well, we've got a big day ahead. It's not like there's time for sleeping in."

"You missed breakfast," he said. "But you can have some toast or something if you're hungry."

"It's fine. I don't really feel like eating."

"No." He pursed his lips. "I don't suppose you do."

Edward looked over my head, out the window. I stared down at the hardwood floor.

"How bad was I?" I blurted, unable to stand the silence and the tension.

"Bad."

"Is everyone mad at me?"

"They have more on their minds right now than your drunken escapades, Bella."

"Right. Sorry."

"I need to take a shower. My mom and Rose are expecting you downstairs for hair and stuff."

"I thought that was only for the wedding party," I asked.

"Yeah, well, they didn't want you to feel left out."

"That was nice of them."

Edward turned his back and started walking to the bathroom. He stopped, then, suddenly and whirled around to look at me.

"Why did you do it, Bella?" he asked.

"I didn't mean to."

"That's not what I asked. I mean, there has to be a reason right? You didn't just go and get wasted and humiliate me at my brother's wedding rehearsal for the fun of it. Were you bored? Were you not getting enough attention?"

"Don't be like that, Edward. It doesn't suit you."

"I have every right to be mad!"

"But you don't have the right to be nasty," I said and he glared at me. "I'm sorry, okay? Really sorry. I was upset and dumb and I thought a drink would make me feel better and it didn't. I feel bad enough, you don't need to make it worse."

"What were you upset about?" he asked, quietly, like he didn't really believe me.

"It doesn't matter."

"It mattered enough last night. Just tell me, Bella."

"No. It can wait."

"Fine. I don't even care. If it's not important enough to tell me about then it obviously wasn't important enough to warrant your behaviour last night."

"I didn't get into NYU."

"What?" He said, blinking.

"I got an email yesterday," I said, fumbling for my phone to show him. "We regret to inform you that at this time your application was not successful etc etc etc..."

Taking the phone from me, Edward's forehead creased as he read this message. I stayed standing right beside him, even though he was mad and his body language indicated he didn't want me there at all, because being close to him almost always made me feel better.

"I wish you would have told me."

"I was..." I hesitated, realising the irony of what I was about to say. "Afraid I would ruin the weekend. Your family is so happy right now, and everyone's so proud of you for getting into Columbia, and I didn't want to be a downer on things. I just...I don't even know what I want."

"That must be nice."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm just saying it's nice to have options and choices. Grad school isn't the most important thing in the world, you know. "

"What are you even saying?" I spluttered. "Oh, congratulations Bella. You got rejected from the school you want to go to and your life plan is in tatters. How nice for you."

"Forget it," he said, brushing me off. "We'll talk about this later."

"I don't want to talk about it later, Edward. You made me tell you, even though I wanted to wait, and now you're running off. "

"I'm not running off. My only brother is getting married today and I hardly slept a wink last night. I have to get ready."

"You have plenty of time. Please just explain to me what you meant. Are you relieved I didn't get in? Don't you want me to go to New York with you?" I couldn't keep the distress out my voice. My head started to spin again.

"That's not what I said!" Edward tossed my phone away. It bounced on the unmade bed and he pressed his knuckles into the strained skin on his forehead. "I'm gutted you didn't get in. Really, I am. I'm shocked. I thought your professor said you were practically a sure thing."

"I guess nothing's definite," I answered, gnawing on my fingernails. Edward reached toward me, pulling my hands down from my mouth before leaning back against the wall, away from me.

"I don't know what to say," he said.

"Me neither." I knew what I wanted him to say though. _It'll be fine. We'll work it out. No matter what, we'll be together._

Edward just stood there; his shoulders slumped, his head resting against his blue plaid wallpaper. I looked over his shoulder to a picture of him as a gap-toothed little boy with a baseball bat slung over his shoulder.

"Tell me," I said, when the silence became too much to bear. "What did you really mean about options?"

"Nothing, Bella. I was just being stupid."

"No," I insisted. "You didn't say that for no reason. Now, you're either completely insensitive or you're having second thoughts what happens after college. Which one is it?"

"Jesus Christ," he said, through gritted teeth. "Neither! I told you, I was just being dumb. Thinking out loud because I didn't know what to say. "

"I don't believe you."

"Believe whatever you like. I'm already behind schedule and I need to shower. Go down to the rest of the girls, Bella."

I started to shake my head, wanting to sort this out before the whole day was soured but he stalked off to the bathroom, closing the door carefully behind him. I wished he would have slammed it. I waited for a minute to hear the shower spray hit the tiles, but it was so quiet in there that I had to leave.

The wedding party assembled downstairs in what the Cullens call the conservatory. (I called it the sun room.) I walked down slowly, anxious over how they would treat me and still feeling the effects of the night before. There was freshly brewed coffee in the kitchen and I helped myself to a cup. It tasted rich and hot but failed to clear my head the way I had hoped.

The house was still, like the calm before a storm, and my stomach turned at the cheerful banter coming from the other room. Thankfully, it didn't go silent when I shuffled in with my head down but there's no denying the volume dimmed slightly.

Esme greeted me with intense warmth, like she was trying very hard not to show her anger, and ushered me into a chair. Rosalie was having make up applied to her already flawless face so she couldn't be expected to speak and everyone else managed a polite wave or mumbled hello. I couldn't tell if they were being frosty towards me or if they thought my antics were simply beneath them but I put on my best forced smile, the kind I usually reserved for tricky customers at the diner, and vowed to tow the line today.

There were mimosas. My stomach heaved at the smell and I declined the one I was offered. Esme looked relieved when I sipped my coffee.

They all wore matching white velour tracksuits with rhinestone embellishment declaring their role in the wedding. I wore yesterday's jeans and Edward's ratty old t-shirt. I didn't think of packing clothes for simply lounging around in.

I thought back to my mom's wedding. The DIY manicures the night before and the drugstore mascara and how Dotty's Hair Salon opened an hour early to curl our hair before the ceremony. Rosalie had enlisted a team of professionals, pretty girls with practised smiles and the ability to seem invisible, to beautify us all. Before long, someone was combing out my hair and putting giant rollers at the roots . Another girl used her baby finger to pat cream under my eye.

"The same as the others?" the hairstylist, Caroline her name was, asked Rosalie.

"Bella's not a bridesmaid," she replied. "It's up to her."

Irina looked envious. The stylists looked thrilled at the chance to do something outside of Rosalie's carefully mandated uniform, and looked at me expectantly.

"My dress is dark blue, long sleeves, scoop neck. Feel free to do whatever you think works with that." I replied and averted my attention back to my coffee.

The pampering was utter luxury but I was so tense I could hardly enjoy it. Instead, I watched as wefts of curled blonde hair extensions were carefully mingled with Kate's short bob so all the bridesmaids could have the same length hair. I hadn't even realised she was included in the wedding party but the three sisters were, along with Rose's quiet cousin from the table last night and Jess, who was actually her best friend from middle school, as well as a current co-worker.

So I hadn't actually been left at the spinster table last night. I felt heavy with chagrin and vowed to make more of an effort with these girls. They weren't to blame for my shitty situation. It wasn't their fault I had gotten a different lot in life than they had.

Thankfully the conversation was all in the general area of beautification and I may not have had the same high end products, I could bemoan oily skin and chipped nail polish with the best of them. I was Alice Brandon's best friend. My college class was mostly women and I spent countless hours a week working with a bunch of waitresses. I got this.

Just as I was getting to feel comfortable, the girls began to drift away to continue their preparations elsewhere and the conversation began to dwindle. My behaviour the previous night was the big bedazzled elephant in the corner of the room until Tanya dashed in, clearly harassed. Her hair was piled on top of her head in messy bun that was more birds nest than casual chic and there was a massive juice stain all down her rumpled white track suit.

"Sorry! Sorry!" she exclaimed, high-pitched and breathless. "Nick went full-on nuclear melt down when the boys took him to the barbers. I thought his haircut phobia was over but I was clearly wrong. He was freaking out and no-one could calm him down. He doesn't know Em that well and Edward didn't end up going with them so I had to drive all the way over there to try and sort it out. I'm sure Emmett's nerves were bad enough without a screaming child and I really need a drink."

Tanya grabbed a mimosa, knocked it back and flopped into a chair. Esme and Rose had already left and it seemed like no-one else knew what to say.

"Kids, eh?" I ventured, somewhat lamely. "You must be run ragged."

"Tell me about it," she replied. "Nick has me exhausted before the day even starts. You childless bitches don't even know how lucky you are."

There were a few shaky laughs. I gathered the two remaining bridesmaids didn't know exactly know what to make of Tanya either and they were soon gone.

"Somehow," she said, sipping on a second drink. "I think you feel rougher than I ever could right now."

"I think this coffee is the only thing keeping me upright."

"Well, I did my best to get as much water into you as possible before you passed out last night so hopefully the hangover will pass quickly."

"Wait," I said. _" You _looked after me last night? Where was Edward?"

As regret flickered across Tanya's face, and the stylists did everything they could to look anywhere else, I felt about two inches tall. I had been so sure he was the one who took me home last night and now I felt even more stupid.

"I had to take the Nick home anyway." She rushed to explain. "It was no big deal. Edward had best man duties and well, you know how useless boys can be. He never would have made sure you took off your makeup and today's a big day and you don't want breakouts , now do you? I'm not squeamish and I've been in the situation plenty of times myself..." She was not saying the truth, that Edward was too mad to care as she paused to sip her drink. "I'd never judge you, Bella," she finished, quietly.

"Thank you," I said, only because I couldn't think of anything else. "I really appreciate you looking after me."

The shame I had been quashing down crept back up, and with it the jealousy. I knew I should be grateful to Tanya, glad of her thoughtfulness. But all I could think of how this was another way she was perfect and helpful and I was just a mess.

I didn't want to ask, afraid of the confirmation that he Edward would actually confide in her, but I couldn't stop myself.

"Did he say anything about me? Edward, I mean. Was he very angry?"

"No! " she says. "Not at all. Come on, Bella. You're not the first person to get a little too drunk at a wedding rehearsal and you won't be the last. Just put it behind you and enjoy the day. You and Edward will work things out"

I nodded, painfully aware of the fact she didn't look me in the eye as she spoke. And that I hadn't mentioned a word about having problems with Edward.

The hairstylist began to pull the rollers from my hair and I winced as Tanya launched into a story about how Edward got so drunk at his sixteenth birthday he had to be carried home. I've heard it before; Emmett still likes to tease him about it, but Tanya told it well and soon all the hair and makeup girls were giggling and sharing stories of their own. I faked a laugh or two and gritted my teeth against the discomfort have having my hair teased.

But what's funny for a young teenager year old felt kind of sad for a girl in her twenties and I was filled with fear that someday someone here would tell the story of the time I got too drunk but I wouldn't be part of the equation any more. That I would just be a memory; a college girlfriend left behind when he went off to live his real life.

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**Thanks again to everyone who'd been reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it. I did mean to reply to more of them, but well, I got distracted by the new BD trailer and I've become hooked on the tv show _Girls. _ for any mistakes I missed, too. Next chapter, same time tomorrow. **


	4. Chapter 4

I excused myself as soon as I could; thanked the stylists and left Tanya to be the last getting made up. I got dressed alone in Edward's room and drove myself to the church in my musty old truck. Each time I called Alice, her phone went straight to voicemail and I didn't leave a message. I longed for one of her signature pep-talks to give me the courage to get through the day but I had to try psyche myself up. Self-doubt (and a blinding hangover) eroded my already shaky confidence and I had to force myself into the church.

I hoped Edward would greet me and show me to my seat but I was left in the hands of an usher I didn't recognise. He was friendly and polite and I gathered he just got into town that morning. I made small-talk with him, glad to talk to someone who didn't know about my drunken episode until someone came looking for more programmes.

I finally caught Edward's eye then, from where he was deep in conversation with Emmett, and gave him a small wave. His face was tense and I could tell he had to force himself to give me the briefest wave and the tightest smile before giving his attention back to his brother.

I had never seen Emmett look nervous before and my heart went out to him. I watched Edward speak calmly, directly in his ear while Dr. Cullen smoothly stopped anyone else approaching them. Such a sweet family moment and it made my heart ache, to be on the outside looking in.

The ceremony was truly lovely and it was a privilege to witness the love Emmett and Rosalie shared. I could feel the room swell with emotion and I wasn't the only with tears in their eyes.

The sad thing was that while the other guests were overwhelmed with the joy in the wedding, I was busy feeling sorry for myself and the tears shed were for the things I didn't have and couldn't hold on to.

I was on the fringes, smiling and watching, but never really feeling part of things. It was like flicking through a wedding album; objectively admiring the prettiness of a pearl in the centre of a flower or the swirl of confetti in the breeze but not being able to appreciate the emotion behind it all. The bride and groom were clearly ecstatic; their family and friends were happy and proud and I was just watching, wishing things were different.

The Cullen's vast backyard had been transformed into a wedding wonderland – filled with fragrant flowers, flickering fairy lights and luxury fabrics in shades of champagne and white. I sipped on mineral water (and popped two more aspirin) and watched Emmett and Rosalie greet their guests in that warm, easy way of theirs. Edward stayed dutifully by their side; whispering names and taking cards and gifts. Since Tanya seemed constantly distracted by a boisterous Nikolai, Edward had to do maid of honour duties, as well as the best man ones.

At one point, I could see Esme and Edward looking my way and I knew wallflower routine was worrying at least one of them. It was time to shake off my self-pity and make an effort to socialise. Never had I been more thankful for the polite chit-chat skills that had developed over my years as a server.

I couldn't dismiss my discontent completely though, so the first person I ended up with chatting with was Nikolai. Tanya gave me an appreciative smile while we were deep in conversation about iCarly. He was a fun kid. Unlike most of the adult guests, I enjoyed his smart mouth and I rapidly came to understand why Edward doted on him.I tried to apologise to Emmett about last night, but he just shrugged it off. I knew Rosalie was the one who cared about these things anyway and I dreaded the moment when I would have to make my peace with her. I talked dorm room necessities with an sweet middle aged couple whose eldest son was starting college in the fall. I admired the place settings with one of Rosalie's colleagues.

It was a tad tedious but I knew it was the right thing to do.

Lots of people wanted to talk about Edward's acceptance into Columbia. It stung a little but I smiled and besides, it wasn't hard at all to talk about how proud I was. Even people who weren't talking directly to me were shaking his hand and slapping Carlisle on the back. For some of them, it was like he was more important than Emmett.

I started to understand Edward's statements earlier a little better. He was under immense pressure from his father to take the path he chose for him. Emmett's role was defined early on as the lovable rogue but they expected great things from Edward and the weight had to get to him sometimes. When he mentioned choices earlier, he had to have been talking about feeling like he didn't really have any. Making his family proud was really important to Edward (as evidenced by his anger at my bout of projectile vomiting) but I knew it could get to him sometimes.

I could see how for that moment when I told him about my rejection, he might have wished he had a wide open, winding road in front of him instead of the narrow path his father had paved . The realisation brought my guilt back with a vengeance. I had been too wrapped up in my own pain to see the troubles he was having.

I excused myself and began to search for Edward, making my way through the throngs of wedding guests. I couldn't find him, though, and found myself back on the edges of things fretting over how to make things right.

A girl approached me then, pulling my from my worries.

"You're Bella, right?" She handed me a glass of juice. "I'm Emily. Don't worry, we haven't met. I don't really know anyone here either and there's only so much polite chit chat I can make with the over fifty set, so I decided to come introduce myself."

"Um..Hi," I said, a little taken aback. "It's nice to meet you. Are you a friend of Rosalie's?" I knew she wasn't or I would have met her at the pre-wedding events, but I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Not exactly, " she replied. Emily had one of those warm smiles that put even people as awkward as me at ease. "Maybe if I introduced myself as the gold digging whore you might have known who I was."

"You've lost me," I said, laughing.

"I'm married to Sam Uley. Dr. Cullen's practice partner," she explained. "He lost custody of all the mutual friends in the divorce and I think you might be the only person here who won't give me the cold shoulder."

I vaguely remembered Esme mentioning some friends recently splitting up. I gathered I was looking at the reason why. Emily was really very pretty, with full lips and massive doe eyes, and her empire line dress and glass of juice made me think there was about to be a new addition to her family.

"No judgement here," I said, shaking my head at her honesty. "I'm the girl who barfed in the middle of the wedding rehearsal, after all."

"I thought you looked familiar," she said. "It's hard to tell without the sea of vomit though."

"At least I scrub up well," I joked, hugely relieved to have found someone I felt comfortable around.

"Aren't your feet killing you?" Emily asked, nodding at my heels.

"I literally want to chop them off."

"Lets sit over there," she said, pointing to a fairly full looking table, right by the buffet table. Unlike last night's dinner, the wedding reception was a much less formal affair. I'd heard that Emmett vetoed Rose making any more seating charts after they had a massive argument over it during the wedding planning and I was incredibly grateful for his decision.

"I don't think there are enough seats," I replied.

"Pssht. These desperate housewives treat me like a contagious disease. I'll clear that table in no time."

I followed Emily and hung back while she gave them all cheery smiles, lacking all the warmth of the ones she'd given me earlier. True to her word, the table was vacated in just a few seconds and we had our pick of linen covered seats.

"Doesn't it bother you?" I asked, referring to the sly looks and snide comments.

"Not in the slightest," she replied, looking a tad incredulous that I even asked. "The day I start caring about what random nobodies think of me is the day I should be put down."

I nodded, unsure of how to respond, and took a long sip of my juice. Everyone I met either cared too much about what people thought about them or not at all. I wondered if I could strike the right balance. I cared, to a certain extent, about the Cullen's opinion of me but that was all tied up in my relationship with Edward and his need for approval. If he was more laid-back, I didn't think any of the little things would bother me.

Emily's sense of fun was infectious and I found myself genuinely relaxing for the first time since I'd got here. We stuffed our faces with over-spiced food and observed the antics of the other guests and spent too long analysing the last season of The Bachelor. It was great to feel able to talk freely without the aid of alcohol and I was actually having a good time at what we'd dubbed the misfit table.

Edward tapped me on the shoulder. I was too engrossed in the conversation to have seen him coming.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said, flashing that crooked grin that could get him away with murder.

"It's ok," I responded, my high pitched voice giving my eagerness away.

"Do you mind if I steal her for a while?" he asked Emily.

"Not at all. I should probably go find Sam anyway. I see some thrilling golf talk in my future." She stood, letting Edward help her from her seat. Such a gentleman. "See you later, Bella."

"See you," I echoed .

I'd hardly seen him all day and when he neither sat down nor indicated I should go with him, I started to worry he was still mad at me.

"Can we just forget about earlier?" I blurted out, grabbing his hand from the back of my chair. "The last thing I wanted to do was fight with you on your brother's wedding day. I know you were stressed about the best man stuff and everyone gushing about you getting into med school was making you uncomfortable and I didn't meant to make it worse –"

"It's fine, Bella," he interrupted. "It's already forgotten." He gave my hand a little squeeze and pulled me from my seat. "I wish we could talk more but we've been summoned for photos before the light fades completely."

"Me? Are you sure?" I started to panic, never comfortable in front of a camera.

"Yes," he replied, patiently. "It's time for more family ones and you haven't been in any of them. It won't take long, I promise. "

I dutifully posed with Edward the rest of the Cullens, feeling clunky and awkward the whole time. The photographer barked out instructions like it was a fashion shoot and by the grimaces everyone else kept repressing , I could tell this had been a recurring trend all day.

"This guy thinks he's shooting for Vogue," I murmured.

"At least he's passionate about his work," Esme replied, ever the diplomat.

After a few (dozen) shots Edward and I were left to stand alone, stifling grins at the photographers outlandish directions. He made Edward stand behind me and I tried to turn the way he told me, but I just couldn't hold the poses. This was worse than Prom photos.

"There's something I forget to tell you earlier," Edward whispered in my ear. His breath sent shivers down my spine.

"What's that?" I replied, twisting my neck back to face him.

"How beautiful you look today."

His words made me duck my head. No matter how many compliments he gave, they always made me coy.

"Thanks," I said, grateful for the heavy make-up concealing the flush of my skin. "You're looking pretty handsome yourself, Mr Cullen."

Edward in a suit was a sight to behold.

"Stop," he said, but his cheeks lifted as he smiled. "I forgot to shave and left it too late for a haircut. I've been waiting all day for Rose to kick me out of the wedding for it but she hasn't said a word."

His jaw was dusted with stubble, a shade or two redder than his hair, and a couple of stray curls were falling loose around his forehead.

"I like you like this," I told him, brushing a lock of hair off his face.

He smiled down at me and I almost forgot where we were. I could hear Esme urging the photographer to capture the moment and my cheeks went even redder.

"People, this is a high class wedding album, not your Facebook profile picture," said the photographer, his voice dripping with disdain. "You, maid of honour! If your done chasing the kid around can we finally get a shot with the best man."

I was unceremoniously shoved off to the sidelines and replaced with Tanya. She showed none of the reserve I had, smiling and posing with Edward all easy, breezy beautiful. She was nearly as tall as him and just as attractive and I began to feel frumpier by the second. They laughed heartily, flashing perfect white teeth, at the faces Nick was pulling behind the photographer.

Watching their shared touches and words I couldn't hear made a lump form in my chest. I kept blinking, but I couldn't look away. The photographer, pleased to finally have some willing subjects, pushed and encouraged more intimate poses and I felt like something in me was about to snap.

So I left the reception, darting through the kitchen to find a place to be alone. I wound up in Esme and Carlisle's bathroom where I slumped against the cold marble tiles and wondered why I couldn't just be normal.

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**A little late today with this chapter. Forgive me? Also, forgive the mistakes.**

**Thanks again to everyone reading and reviewing. I'm loving seeing people's opinions of these too. More at the usual time tomorrow.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

This time, I managed to hold back the tears and I was more than a little proud of my concomposure. How's that for growth, right?

Instead I closed my eyes, did some of that square breathing Alice told me about and fantasised about punching Tanya right on her snub little nose. Who did she think she was? Swooping in and being all perfect and clinging on to my boyfriend like he was her personal floatation device.

I hated her for making me feel like this.

When I was thirteen, Renee was dating this was a big shot contractor down in Phoenix and she was head over heels with his status. About three months into their relationship, she caught him in bed with the ex-wife of one of the Arizona Cardinals ( Thank God this was before the Real Housewives started taping. She's one of the biggest rating drawers now, I hear) and she flipped the eff out, total woman scorned style. I couldn't understand why all her vitriol was directed at the woman instead of the person she was meant to trust.

Now, I did.

Also, I had an almost uncontrollable urge to use the term brazen hussy.

I took my phone out to call Alice and share my woes but an insistent tap on the bathroom door interrupted me. Afraid it was one of Edward's parents, I flipped the lock and peeked out. Tanya brushed past me, shutting the door behind her and stared me down.

"It took me three bathrooms, not including the port a potties outside, to find you," she said. "Let me remind you, that bathrooms are a mecca of debauchery for drunk people at weddings. I walked in on one the chefs snorting coke and it seems that a LOT of people here are not used to the kind of rich food Rosalie and Emmett have so kindly provided."

"No offence but I didn't ask you to follow me. In fact, the bathroom is generally a place where people come to be alone so if you don't mind –"

"I do mind," she said. "And I am offended."

"Tell Edward I'm fine. Tell him I'm one of those poor, uncultured suckers who isn't used to the rich food. In fact, tell Rosalie her caterer is a coke-head and she might want to monitor what goes out of the kitchen ."

"Bella, Edward didn't send me after you. I came on my own because I'm getting a little sick of your false impression of me. I'm not trying to steal your boyfriend."

Taken aback at Tanya's bluntness, I couldn't think of the right way to respond.

"I never you said you were," I replied.

"You don't have to. It's written all over your face. And I've been on the receiving end of those kind of looks since I was fourteen years old. I know jealousy when I see it, so I'm telling you, Bella, that you have no need to be jealous of , I flirt with him sometimes because I still think of him as the gangly teenager my sisters and I used to tease mercilessly but I would never do anything to sabotage his relationship. Edward's an old friend; a good friend and I was hoping we could be friends too."

I looked at Tanya's reflection in the mirror and saw vulnerability on her beautiful face and the bruise on her shin from Nick's tantrum that morning and I feel like a complete bitch.

She wasn't my enemy. She wasn't some man-eater trying to get her claws into my boyfriend. She was just an old friend, trying to enjoy the wedding and none of my insecurities or troubles were her fault.

That's when the tears started to fall.

"Shit!" she said, grabbing a tissue. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"No!" I protested, between sobs. "You didn't. I'm being silly and unreasonable and I'm sorry I made you feel like you had to defend yourself. I mean, you looked after me and showed me nothing but kindness and all I gave you in return was grief."

"Well, I did flirt with your boyfriend a little," she conceded and the absurdity of the moment turned my sobs into chuckles. Tanya started to giggle too and we both laughed until our sides hurt.

"Fucking weddings," she drawled when our guffaws subsided. "They cause nothing but drama."

Kicking off her shoes, she hopped onto the marble countertop and I perched on the closed toilet seat.

"So tell me, Bella Swan. What has got you so upset?"

"I wouldn't know where to start."

"That bad, eh?" She hiked one foot onto her knee, massaging the balls of her feet. "Well at least you've got Edward Cullen by your side. He's a good guy."

"I guess," I said, examining a blister that was forming on my baby toe.

Tanya's eyes narrowed. "Did you know he was my date to senior prom?"

"Uh, what happened to not making me jealous?"

She dismissed me with a wave of her hand. "I was seven months pregnant, single and dateless. Nickolai's dad took off the second he realised I'd rather spend the money he shoved at me on a prom dress than an abortion. I was young and foolish. He was gone for a month before I realised he had no intention of coming back.

"He overstayed his student visa and he said he was going back to try sort out extending it. Can you believe I even offered to marry him to keep him in the country? He even made his refusal seem noble.

"I was under-age and he was afraid he'd get done for statutory rape. Or maybe he was just afraid of the responsibility. He was in his twenties and I was blinded by his charisma and connections and accent and charm. Then he left and I had to deal with everything alone. Edward never told you any of this?"

I shook my head. "He just Nikolai's father wasn't in the picture any more."

"That figures. He's big on protecting other people's privacy. A rumour went around that he was Nick's father you know? That I was the one who was in danger of rape charges and he never said a thing about it at school. Though in retrospect, it might have been a boost for his reputation." She laughed and it had a bitter bite. "He was ten years younger than the asshole who got me pregnant and ten times the man.

"I mean, I know now it was the best thing that could have happened,"she continued. " I wouldn't change Nick for the world and I needed to get away from Dimitri. He was really controlling. I couldn't do anything without him finding me. But my parents were ashamed and they thought iw as the worst influence on my sisters. People in school called me a slut. Some old lady in the supermarket called me a harlot. I had isolated all my friends when I started dating Dimitri and they didn't want anything to with me now that I had a baby on the way..." Tanya's voice cracked and I felt even worse for every mean thing I'd ever thought about her, even though they were no way related to little Nikolai.

"My mom had me when she was just out of high school," I offered, waiting for Tanya to collect herself. "She wasn't allowed to walk in her Graduation, even though she wasn't showing yet. People can suck."

"Not all people," she replied, smiling a little. "Edward was only a freshman and he switched his lunch period so I wouldn't have to sit alone. He asked me to prom, even though it was a totally unheard of, and the whole time acted like I was the one doing him a favour. I wasn't going to go but Esme convinced me I'd regret it. I spent most of my time here then; my parents were still so pissed at me. I used the money Dimitri threw at me to get a custom made prom dress and rented a limo because Edward wasn't old enough to drive and actually had a really nice time.

"Edward was still totally awkward at this point. He had acne and braces and didn't know what to with his height and called everyone dude but he danced with me and posed for pictures and didn't complain once when some jerk off the football team spilled punch all down his shirt

"He didn't say very much and blanched every time he brushed off my bump but he stood beside me when no-one else would and I'll never forget that."

"That's why you asked him to be Nikolai's Godfather." I said. "You know, Edward never told me any of that. It doesn't surprise me one bit. I do know how caring he is. I just feel like a bitch for doubting him and taking all my anger out on him. I was pretty harsh."

"I didn't notice you being extra harsh."

"Well, it was mostly in my head," I admitted.

"I did notice you looking a little lost though," Tanya answered, her tone gentle. "If your problems aren't with Edward, then what's going on with you?"

"I got rejected from the Grad School I applied to," I told her. It was getting easier to say every time. "We had it all planned; our whole future, Me in NYU and Edward in Columbia and my best friend Alice got an internship at Rebecca Minkoff. It just hurt, you know, to see all that go down the drain."

I didn't mention my jealousy over Edward's success. She'd already seen enough of my ugly side.

"What did you apply for?" Tanya asked. "Is there a similar course in another college you could look into?"

"Uh...A MA in Public and Non-Profit Management Policy."

"Really?" She raised one perfectly arched brow. "You didn't strike me as a social crusader. I expected English Lit, Library Studies even."

Mildly insulted, I shook my head at her. "That's not really the point. I mean, we were going to start this whole new life there and now I'm getting left behind!"

"Wait a second." Tanya held up one hand, quieting me. "You're not that passionate about the course you wanted."

"Sure, I am."

"You honestly sound like you don't care, Bella. Why on earth would you throw yourself into an intense workload, mountains of debt and possible future of bureaucracy and thankless work if you weren't truly passionate about it?"

I was dumbfounded and I counted the mosaic tiles as I struggled to form an answer.

"It was a plan," I eventually said, rather lamely. "Everyone we know is applying for grad school and a professor mentioned that programme and Edward was so excited that we'd be in the same city...it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Do you want to be with Edward or do you just think you should go there?"

"I want to be with Edward," I replied, firmly. Of that I was certain.

"Then go to New York anyway. Get a job. Wait tables if you have to and take some time to figure out what you can be passionate about."

"Are you passionate about recruitment?" I asked.

"I'm passionate about providing a future for my son," she answered and I felt like a tool again. "I like my work, Bella. I like matching people to the right position. Look, why don't we sit down next week and I'll ask you the same kinds of questions I ask the people who come to the agency. I'm good at what I do. We'll figure out your aptitude in no time."

"Seriously?" I asked, thrilled. "You'll help me?"

"Of course I will. You need to figure out what will make you happy. Edward is fantastic but that's just not enough. A couple of old college friends work at some agencies in NYC now. I'll email them, maybe set up some interviews for you."

"Wow. Tanya, I don't know what to say. That's so nice."

"I'm a nice girl," she dead-panned but I knew she was telling the truth. I smiled at her, finally seeing the warmth in her eyes and feeling the first spark of true friendship I'd felt since I met Alice.

"Thank you," I told her, with as much sincerity as I could pour into my voice and she nodded before turning to the mirror and fixing her hair back into place. I stood beside her, bracing myself for the damage I was about to see as a result of my crying jag.

To my intense wonder, my make-up was still perfect. A slick of gloss and a touch up around my nose and I'd be good to go.

"Wow," I said, poking at my un-smudged eyeliner.

"Make-up artists expect people to cry at weddings," Tanya explained, wisely. I hoped those ladies were given a really big tip. "We better get back. Nick will have driven Edward round the bend by now."

"We better go rescue him then," I said, smiling. "He and I have some making up to do."

Before we could leave, the door burst open and there stood Rosalie. The beautiful bride was clutching two family size bags of potato chips and there was a gleam of mania in her eyes.

"Hold it right there," she said, flouncing past us. "You bitches aren't going anywhere."

I looked at Tanya for guidance, as Rosalie's chief bridesmaid and best friend I expected her to know what to do. She looked just as bewildered as I did.

"Do you need me to hold your dress while you pee?" Tanya asked, in that placating tone I'd heard her use on Nick and Rose shot her a withering look.

"No, I need you to shut the door and allow me five minutes of normality."

I did as I was told.

Rosalie threw herself into Esme and Carlisle's oversized (and empty) bathtub. She tore open a packet of Doritos and began shovelling them into her mouth. Tanya swiftly placed a towel on her front, so the bright crumbs wouldn't stain her white dress and I waited, wondering if I could slip out without her noticing.

Sighing dramatically, Rose kicked off her shoes (knocking over a full bottle of fancy French hand wash in the process) and since I clearly wouldn't be going anywhere for a while, I decided to bite the bullet.

"Um, Rosalie?" I said. "I didn't really get to speak to you alone today and I just to apologise for last night. I should never have gotten so drunk and ruined your rehearsal like that. It was really disrespectful and I am so so sorry."

She halted her Dorito massacre to look at me like I had ten heads. "Don't even worry about, Bella. That was nothing; a blip. At my confirmation, my mom puked in the chalice and my dad punched out the bishop. I'm a Hale, your little episode didn't faze me at all."

"Cullen," I replied. "You're taking Emmett's last name, right? You're a Cullen now."

"Yeah," she said, smiling contentedly. "I'm Rosalie Cullen. And you know what?"

"What?" said Tanya

"I really wish my parents were here." She ripped open the Cheeto packet. "How hypocritical is that? I went on and on about how their drinking would ruin everything and I wanted everything to be perfect and I feel like the worst person ever because the day can't be perfect without them here. They don't even know I'm getting married, you know? We're going to tell them we eloped."

"Don't beat yourself up over this, Rose," Tanya said, soothingly. "You should be enjoying yourself. You should be enjoying Emmett. You can make things up with your family after the wedding Is over."

"I guess," Rose said through a mouthful of orange mush. "But do you want to know what the real kick in the crotch is about all this?" She didn't give us time to answer. "I spent the last damn year fretting and planning over this wedding. I was an unreasonable control freak. I mean, I even made Esme cry.

"And the day has come and it's almost gone and it's been a series of mini disasters. Bella, no offence, but you vommed all over a Michelin star restaurant. Tanya, no offence but your kid has behaved atrociously this whole time. The most expensive caterers in town are all high. They promised me Asian fusion and I'm pretty sure they just doused everything in curry powder. The photographer is a freaking pervert. At one point I thought he was going to ask you to start humping Edward, Tanya. These shoes cost more than my first car and they're cutting my feet to ribbons. The boning in my dress is bruising my rib cage

"And I couldn't give a flying fuck about any of it. When I saw Emmett at the top of that aisle today, I finally realised that he was the only thing that matters and I feel like a fool for not seeing that sooner."

Rosalie shoved more chips into her mouth and I waited for Tanya to say whatever would be the right thing in this bizarre situation.

"Was Nick really that badly behaved?" she asked and so it was down to me.

"Rose," I said. "The most important thing is that you realised what really matters. There are plenty of people who'd go around fixated on the superficial and never see what actually counts in life. You're laughing at the shit that happened instead of freaking out. And you're going to enjoy the rest of the evening with your husband and your friends and your new family and dance and have fun and everything else can wait."

"And tomorrow we'll be looking for a partial refund from the caterer," Tanya laughed, the mood lifted once again.

"I may have a solution to one of our problems," I told them. "Tanya, Esme's bound to have a first aid kit in here. You find some band-aids and I'll go get some alternative footwear. I cannot stand another moment of this agony."

"Just let me get a picture of Rose first," she replied. "It's not every wedding you find the bride in the bathtub stuffing her face with cheesy snacks."

"It's my wedding and I'll binge if I want to," said Rose, flashing her an orange-coated grin.

"You better brush your teeth before you go back down to Emmett." Tanya wrinkled her nose and I slipped out to find my solution. I knew they would talk about me while I was gone, but I was ok with that. Friends talk. I knew these girls cared and that was the main thing.

Barefoot, I dashed out to my truck, ignoring a few sly looks from the Cullens well heeled friends. What was the point in having a wedding at home if you couldn't run around with no shoes on?

My friend Alice was crazy about customising things. She made good money by buying plain canvas shoes, adding her own designs and embellishments, and selling them online. The fact that she ws massively talented helped her popularity immensely. She often gave me pairs that were slightly imperfect or just new designs she was working on and I would keep some in my truck to change out of my work shoes. I'd actually gotten her to do a white pair for Rose but having seen the glamour of the rest of her plans, was too embarrassed to give them to her.

Slipping my feet into a black and blue pair that matched my dress perfectly, I wondered if Alice was a little bit psychic in giving them to me. I ran back to the bathroom, swiping a bottle of Champagne on the way, and proudly held them out to Tanya and Rose.

"They're not exactly Isabel Marant," I said, sheepish when they didn't say anything. "My friend Alice designs them, the white ones especially for you Rose, and they're bound to be more comfortable than heels. You don't have to wear them."

"Are you kidding me?" Rosalie interrupted. "These are the best gift I could have gotten." Her eyes closed in relief when she put them and Tanya followed suit. She took the champagne bottle from me (and kindly, neither made a smart comment about me drinking again) and we all whooped when she popped the cork, fizz spilling onto the marble tiles.

"I forgot to bring glasses," I said, looking around for a tumbler.

"Far from champagne flutes I was reared," Rose said, taking a swig straight from the bottle and passing it around. We drank it back, the bubbles as sweet and light as our mood.

"I have to send a picture of our feet to Alice." I took out my phone and snapped a pic; sending it off with a wish you were here message.

"That's one for the wedding album," Rose said.

"Never mind the album," replied Tanya. "I'm Instagramming this right now."

Smiling down at the picture I took, I was glad the shoes were a perfect fit for all of us, just three very different styles.

* * *

**as always, thanks for reading and reviewing! let me know what you think of this chapter.**

**I feel like Friday is a good day to end a fic, and I'm ready to be done torturing this Edward and Bella, so the next and final instalment will go up tonight some time.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

The sky had faded into a hazy blue twilight and simple paper lanterns and candles held in glass jars cast an atmospheric glow over the wedding reception. It had lost that formal, careful tone and gotten more relaxed as clinking glasses and bursts of laughter and music to dance to rang out all around.

There was a spring in my step (part mood lift, part shoe change) as I drifted through the crowd of guests, smiling and making small talk when necessary.

I made my way over to the band, planning on requesting that song Edward and I used to listen to so much. The one that played in the coffeshop where we had our first date, filling the nervous pauses, and I had set to repeat on my iPod for weeks after that first time on his creaky old couch.

The musician looked unsure when I requested the song. "Uh, there's a very specific set list that we're contractually obliged to adhere to," he said.

Of course there was.

I craned my neck to find Rosalie. She was perched on Emmett's lap feeding him little bits of cake. It was kind of sweet in a nauseating kind of way. When I finally caught her attention, and performed a vague series of hand gestures to indicate what I was trying to do, she responded with a bright smile and corny thumbs up and the band all seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. I had just saved them from the 'Disco Classics' portion of the evening.

I found Edward at the edges of the dancefloor, sipping a beer and smiling politely at a grey-haired couple. Twinkling lights shone down on him, emphasising the warm copper strands in his messy hair and the shadows on his face that made his features even more stunning. He look perfect, and a little bit vulnerable, and I couldn't stand to spend another second at odds with him. Edward had abandoned his suit jacket and loosened his collar. With his un-kempt hair and stubble-shadowed jaw, he had that gorgeous look that made my heart skip a beat and I vowed to make things better between us so we could enjoy the rest of the night.

"There you are!" he said, as I approached. It was the happiest he'd seemed to see me the whole time I'd been there. He excused himself from the people who had been talking to him and came to me, slipping his arm around me. "You missed Emmett threaten to punch out the photographer if he didn't stop being creepy."

"Seriously? Won't Rosalie mind?"

"She was the one who instructed him to do it. Though if anyone asks, the dispute was over creative differences."

My first thought was that he was subtly letting me know that someone else had made a scene, trying to console me or something. But I quashed my insecurities and tendency to over-think everything, so I could do what I planned to do : make up with my boyfriend.

"Where were you anyway?" he asked.

"I was hanging out with Rosalie and Tanya in your parent's bathroom," I explained and he nodded like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"You're responsible for the wardrobe change, then?" He inclined his head towards my feet, then the dancefloor where Tanya was enthusiastically shuffling with Nick and her sisters.

"We wanted to be more comfortable. "

"Well, you all look much happier now," he observed.

"I do feel better."

"About everything?"

"I had a good talk with Tanya and Rose. I see some things more clearly now," I said.

"You're not jealous of Tanya any more?"

"Hey! I was never jealous."

"You were a little jealous. Your eyes would get all twitchy when anyone said her name."

"Like you're one to talk, Edward. Do I have to remind you of the Jacob incident?" I argued, then we both looked at the ground, awkward at our foibles.

"So, what? You've finally realised she's not some vicious man eater? " Edward pushed, but his tone was light as air.

"I never thought that either! I trust your judgement when it comes to people..." I hesitated. "I was just a little insecure. She's beautiful and accomplished and you have all this history. It's hard to compete with that."

"I didn't mean to make you feel like that," he said, his breath brushing my neck. "You're the only girl I want to be with."

"I know," I replied. "I'm learning to deal with it deal with it better now, I promise."

"So what else did they do to cheer you up?" he asked.

"Aren't we Mr. Inquisitive this evening? Don't you know what goes on in the girls bathroom is sacred?" I teased, revelling in this ease between us.

"I don't want any more secrets between us."

"We talked some about my plans after graduation. I think maybe I was going down the wrong path...with loans and a job sector with low pay and not many openings. Tanya thinks she can help me get a job in New York. Maybe an entry level position in a recruitment firm she's worked with before. She can help me tailor my resume and work on my interview skills and make some connections."

Edward smiled. "That's the most enthusiastic I've heard you in ages."

"Do you think it's a good plan?"

"I think it's a great plan and honestly, I'm kind of relieved."

"Why?"

"I know it's selfish," he said, frowning. "But when you said you didn't get into school, I was so worried I'd have to go to New York on my own. I couldn't do it without you, Bella. I couldn't cope. But my parents would be so disappointed if I turned down my place and –"

"I'd never ask you to do that," I interrupted.

"I know that," he said. "You see why I was worried I'd have to go alone. I need you beside me, Bella."

A note of desperation crept into his voice and my heart ached for him.

"I'm here," I said, resting my head on his shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere."

He held me tightly and the last of the weight on my shoulders drifted away.

The band started to play our song. Edward's head turned sharply as the familiar guitar melody reached his ears.

"I didn't see this on the approved song list," he murmured.

I grinned. "I got special dispensation. "

"Do you remember when...?" His eyes burned with intensity.

"All the time" I told him and I thought I saw him shiver. "So, Mr Cullen. Can I have this dance?"

"It would be my pleasure," he said, leading me onto the floor.

I wrapped my hands around his neck, my fingers twisting into the baby hairs near his collar, and enjoyed a moment of staring into his eyes, before his hands on my waist started to guide me along to the rhythm. I lay my head against his chest, enjoying the heat of his body and the feel of the soft cotton shirt against my cheek.

It was lovely.

Eyes open again, I glanced around at the other dancing couples. Esme and Dr. Cullen waltzed past like something from an old Hollywood movie. Emmett and Rosalie swayed, her perfectly manicured fingers gripping onto the back of his jacket, like they were the only ones there. Tanya twirled a reluctant Nick before pulling him onto her feet.

"Hey," I said, raising my head to face Edward. "I forgot to tell you something earlier."

"What?" he replied, lifting the corners of his lips into a lazy smile.

"I'm sorry for being such a mess."

Edward chuckled. "I'm sorry for being such a jerk."

"You were kind of mean," I said, grinning so he'd know he was forgiven.

He spun me around, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"I know. I get bad-tempered when I'm stressed. My father says I have yet to develop an adequate coping mechanism and I lash out."

I rolled my eyes. "How about in future, I try not to be so ridiculous and you try to not to be so cranky. Deal?"

"Deal," he agreed. "But only on one condition."

"I'm listening."

"Well, we've both got finals coming up. You're going to be dealing with job hunting, I'll be coping with starting in a new programme and odds are, we'll both get pretty pissy about it. So we've got to promise to remember that no matter what, I really fucking love you, Bella Swan."

I swooned, figuratively speaking, but I kind of wanted to re-iterate my point about making an effort to be better with each other. Then, he leaned down and kissed me, silencing my answer and somehow making up for all the tension and hurt with one persuasive brush of his lips. I melted against him, returning his kiss with all the emotion I could muster and we swayed, holding each other close, to the rest of the song.

When it finished, I held on for a few more minutes before reluctantly letting him go.

"Looks like Rosalie's about to throw her bouquet," he said. "You should probably get over there."

"I've got everything I need right here," I answered, clinging on to his sleeve.

"Go on," he urged. "If you don't at least try, everyone will think you don't want to marry me some day."

My heart spluttered and I did as he asked.

Because I did want to marry him some day, of course, but also it was important for him to show all these people that our relationship was solid.

Tension mounted as a gaggle of single girls gathered. I stayed at the edge of the circle, one arm stretched behind me to keep my fingers entwined with Edward's. Grinning over her shoulder, Rosalie tossed the bouquet and all hell broke loose. My attempt to fight for it was half hearted at best and I laughed as Jess, Bess and Tess ganged up against Tanya to grab the prize. Jessica emerged triumphant, the now bedraggled bouquet high above her head.

In the melee, some of the flowers had come loose and a single cream rose fluttered down by my feet. Edward picked it up, presented it to me with a flourish then tucked it behind my ear. His fingers skimmed along my cheek, his thumb pressed gently against my lips and we shared a smile.

It didn't matter that I didn't have the whole bouquet. I was just as happy with a soft kiss and a stray pretty little flower.

* * *

**That's all folks. The finish was short and sweet and I hope you all liked it!**

**Thanks again to every one who's been reading and reviewing. And of course, another massive thank you to the lovely chierian9el and ol2bob who kindly donated to the FGB cause and were super patient about waiting for this and gave me a chance to try write something different.  
**

**I'm going to post a couple more fics soon. A fluffy human one-shot and a vampire short story, so anyone who's interested can watch out for those. See you all soon!  
**


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